That's the kind of anxiety I'm talking about. Your stomach gets all tied up in a knot, you start to sweat, your muscles all tense up, you can barely breathe...
That's what happens to me anytime I know I have to have an encounter with a needle at the doctor's office or lab. I hate needles! And, no, hate is not too strong a word here! I am the biggest sissy when it comes to getting shots or getting blood drawn. My husband laughs at me - while he sits there watching them drain my lifeblood out of my arm.
I have to look away; I move my legs and ball my other hand into a fist to keep myself from thinking about what they're doing to me. Just thinking about them sucking blood out of my body makes me woozy and light-headed! I nearly passed out two years ago when they had to do an injection TB test - you know the one where they inject some kind of something under the skin on your forearm, and then you have a lump there that goes away if you don't have TB? Yeah, that's me - laying on the exam room floor afterward so I don't pass out and fall out of the chair!
So, when we found out that we had to do our medical exams all over again for the switch to China for the adoption, I was less than enthusiastic! (that's an understatement!) Just as an aside, it's very embarrassing when you know the receptionist at the lab, and she sees that you're being tested for HIV - I felt the need to explain myself to her!!
Anyway, I dutifully called the doctor's office and got the orders sent to the lab, so that I could go in when it was convenient for me, prior to my appointment. It takes awhile for me to talk myself into doing these things, so about two weeks later I managed to get to the lab and sit through four vials of blood being drawn. Whew! That was over with! I breathed a heavy sigh of relief and desperately wanted to reward myself with some yummies for breakfast afterward, but I was good and had my protein smoothie instead.
Finally, a couple weeks after that I had my appointment for the doctor to go over the results and fill out the medical form for our China dossier. This was when they discovered that there were two tests they hadn't done previously. What?! No! You mean...? Yes, I had to go have more blood taken!
This time I didn't give myself time to think about it. I went straight to the lab when I was finished with my appointment at the doctor's. They took three more vials of blood. Three!! To run two tests!
You know how some mothers will use their countless hours of labor during childbirth as a type of leverage to hold over their child's head, i.e. "sixteen hours of labor to bring you into this world, and this is how you treat me"? (I really don't know how that's supposed to work - that would have meant nothing to me when I was a kid.) For me, it would be the 2 years of paperwork, at least a year of waiting, and 15 vials of blood! (between the first tests two years ago and the tests this time, it totals 15!)
I don't know that I'll ever "get used to" having blood drawn, but for certain things I can make myself do it. One of them is the thought of having a little boy to call our own. And so I grit my teeth, close my eyes and think about holding a little boy in my arms, rather than think about that needle that's stuck in my arm sucking the life out of me.